


GOPlin Master

by ebocoe, mikaylaesthetic



Category: Donald Trump - Fandom, Presidential Campaign, Republican GOP Nomination, Ted Cruz - Fandom
Genre: Child Neglect, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mpreg, Suicide Attempt, he reigns, is an awesome god, our god, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 02:41:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6355636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebocoe/pseuds/ebocoe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikaylaesthetic/pseuds/mikaylaesthetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a huge republican debate, Ted invites Donald over to his hotel suite to discuss main topics further. Little did he know, this encounter would change him forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. GOPrologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [god](https://archiveofourown.org/users/god/gifts).



> Italics indicated Donald's point of view; Bold indicates Ted; regular font is third person

_Dear Diary,_

_Ted Cruz. It's clear to see his pain, but what's underneath? I don't think these thoughts are right, but I can't help myself. He's impossible to read, as his face shows multiple expressions at once at any given moment. He's an open flame in the debate room, but what about the bedroom? Oh, I have to stop these thoughts, but every attempt to stop brings more. What can I do? Got to go, diary. I'll write more as soon as I can._

 

**Donald Trump. A tiny voice trapped inside a monstrous exterior. Seriously, he's got a swole body, but on the inside, he's got no control; and frankly, he's making me lose mine. It's no secret he's got an issue with women. We'll see if it's just women. Those sun-kissed jowls bouncing as he mouths off at me during debates just make me want to make sure he never mouths off to me again, and I know just how to do it.**

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Our debate just ended. Ever since I found that Teddy (do you think he'd like me to call him that?) shared my views on immigration, I haven't been able to get him off my mind to the point where he keeps me up at night. He's invited me to his hotel room. What do I wear? I feel like I'm dreaming. Which hair should I crochet on my head today? Should I color it light yellow or should I spice it up with a little mustard? Oh, I'm just so nervous. This is a dream come true. I've to go get ready, wish me luck ;-))!_

 

**He'll be mine tonight.**

 

Ted could smell that beautiful orange goplin from a mile away. He knew he was approaching, and stood ready at the door. When he heard that tiny, meaty fist produce such a sensual knock on his door, he knew it was time. As he slowly reached for the doorknob, not wanting to seem as eager as he felt, his heart jumped up in his throat and he had to take a moment to compose himself. Then, he knew he was ready. He put a sly smirk on his face and slowly opened the door. Upon seeing his sweat little goplin standing in the hall, he heard himself say, "Mr. Trump, you're a loudmouth sniveling coward." He didn't even know he had said it until he saw that little goplin grin of his inch across his tangerinesque face. He stood aside, hiding his blush with the door, and allowed Donald to come in. Why did he affect him this way? Those voluptuous wrinkles set his skin aflame, and it infuriated him. 

Donald sashayed in, hoping to catch Teddy's attention. He heard the door slam behind him and jumped cus Ted is really mad. He looked up at Teddy with a questioning look, but couldn't bring himself to say anything. Ted was really mad. He started to jump up and down and Donald didn't know what in the world was going on. He asked Ted, "What are you doing, Teddy - I mean.. Ted." Donald's orange face was definitely more red pigmented than before. Now Ted was really really mad. "Did you just call me 'Teddy'?" 

"I.. Is it okay for me to call you T-Teddy?" Donald asked, trying to work himself up to what he had been dreaming of since the very beginning of the presidential campaign.

Ted flashed a quick, sly grin and said, "I'd rather you called me daddy." 

"Maybe we can make a compromise.." Donald said with a bit more confidence. 

A faint, dark look washed over Donald's as he began to cross the room towards the bed. He slowly crawled into Ted's unmade bed, his rumpled jowls dragging all the way, and laid on his back. A slight smirk planted itself on Donald's gelatinous face.

"Take me, Tæddy."

 


	2. GOPresent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donald finds that a night of fun weeks ago has set off a massive chain reaction that will change his life forever.

Donald throws down his phone in rage at the fifth delivered, opened, and ignored snapchat to Teddy. Where could he be? Why isn't he responding? He needs his Teddy now more than ever. About a week ago, Donald started to feel sick to his stomach. He was constantly being rudely awakened throughout the night, and his doctor said he was fine. Donald had feared the worst, and bought 6 pregnancy tests at his local gas station. He now sat in his restroom with the results. All 6 tested positive. How could this have happened? How had they been so reckless? And now, to make matters worse, Teddy was ignoring him. What would he do when he found out that they were to have a child?

_Dear Diary,  
_

_It has been a month today. I still haven't heard from Teddy - no, he's Ted to me. He hasn't been at a debate since the Hotel Encounter_ _. No one has seen him since. They said his credit card was used at an airport for a one-way ticket to Vatican City._ _ Why did he just up and leave with no warning? Doesn’t he know I need him here? I can’t handle this on my own, not with the baby, not without him. I don’t think I can go on without him. I think this will be my last entry, Diary. Goodbye _

Donald Trump was found with a gunshot wound to the crusty, meaty leg, where he had shot himself. Upon hearing this on the news, Ted flew back home with his big ol wings to be with him in the hospital. Donald was in a coma for 3 days for no real medical reason. He had lost less than a pint of blood. What a pussy. When he woke up, he realized the pregnancy was extremely visible, as he had grown to be about nine months pregnant in one month, and he told Ted the news - he was going to be a father. Ted didn’t know what to do. As he thought about it, Donald went into labor, cause the kid is fucking huge. Ted held his hand in the delivery room and immediately fell in love with their beautiful son, who was growing more and more by the minute. After they had gotten some rest, they went to see their son, whom they had named Bernie. His last name was Sanders, a mix of ‘Trump’ and ‘Cruz’. With the extreme growth of their child, they thought maybe he would be able to talk.

“Can you say da-da?” Each father said, wanting baby Bernie to speak to them first. The child looked at Donald, certainly a prideful moment for him, and started to say it.

“D-d-d…. D-...”

“That’s right, baby, da-da! Come on, say da-da!”

“Democratic socialism.”

Donald’s face went dark.

“This child is the work of satan. I can not keep this baby.”

“Donald, what are you saying? This is our son.. don’t we have to love him unconditionally?”

“Who the hell do you think I am, Hillary Clinton? I’m no numbnuts. I despise this being.”

Ted swallowed the lump in his throat as Donald darkly muttered his final words.

“oo kill ‘em.”

Ted looked on in horror as Donald’s once voluptuous jowls seemed to shed, a few falling to lay on the ground next to the hospital bed. rip in peace. Now ted is fcuked up. Donald picked up the child and slam dunked it into a trash can halfway across the hospital.

“Damn donneld it was really sick.”

Donald was very upset. 

“Peopl are dying here tad. Do n t  make sicc japes. I am shitting so hard rn” ‘

donals was shitting his whole pants.

_ Dear Diary, _

__ Ted took it away. I don’t feel anything but the soft chafing in my loindzz. Talk to you later, pal! :-) ! _ _


	3. GOPlease Kill Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ted doesn't know what to do without his sweat lil boys

The infant Bernie squirmed in Teds miniscule, powerful arms.   
“Shh babie….. youll will be alright.”  
The child was swaddled in a warm plastic trash bag. Rather than killing it like doneld had wanted, he decided to only abandon it forever.  
He shed a gentle tear as he laid baby bernie down in a soft pile of leaves. The sky was blue and the wind was like a mothers caress. My mother left me when i was a child lol. thats cool i dont have a father.cool lo.l,, dont edit that out.   
He placed a sweat sweat kiss on the babieys forehead. “goodbye, my sweet summer child.” he whsiperd  
“Goodbye my father. Youre a hooligan boy. Only a goblin.” Bernies sweet voice rang out. “Vive la revelution” Then he broke into a sprint and ran away to save america from the meaty clutches of his fathers.  
The wind wihsipers “Wher are my fujkin goplins???” he calls him a goblin bc he is unfit to be a GOPlin cus he abandons the Child. Plbless

Ted falls the ground, weeping, balling his eyes out. all in a day, his love had tried to kill his own self, and now he has lost his sweat little boy. “why did i lose my sweats little boy??” he cried to the sky. The sky does not answer. te d slices his jugular. The gras where his blood fall does not answer.  
No one answered.   
he knew then that he was truly, very alone.  
now hes emo cos hes alone make him slit jis wrists. Cus ted is really mad.


	4. i cant believe bernie is fucking dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to zane anthony and ken for the support we needed to create this ,, and thank you to all 406 of the readers. truz is canon.

Hi my name is Bernard Dark’ness Dementia Raven Obama Sanders and i hav short grey hairs with grey streaks and grey tips that reach me necky and icy blue eyes that llook like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me i look like mr rogers (AN:if u dont know who he is get da hell out of here!) im not related to dumblerdore but i wish i was because he’s a major fucking hottie. Im a socialist but you couldnt tell;. I have pale white skin. im a goth (in case you couldnt tell) and i wear mostly black. i love hot topic and i buy all my clothes from there. For example today i was wearing a Professional Dark Colored Suit. i was walking outside the white house. it was snowing and raining and there was no sun, which i was very happy about. a bunch of preps stared at me. i put my middle finger up t them.

Bernie Sanders walked into the democratic debate room. He had practiced his speech all night and was FUCKING READY to drag hilary clinton to the depths of hell. He flashed the cameras a toothy white grin and waved to the audience. a hairy man ripped off his shirt to reveal a FEEL THE BERN tattoo. fuck, it was so cool.

-  
Donald trump gasped rely loud. He had been doodling a heart wiht the words ‘I WANT HAVE SEX WITH ISIS’ and heard the name “bernie sanders” on tv. Could it be? his child back from the dead? what th e fuec?????  
He turned up the volume listening intently. he got mad relly quick.  
how DARE his child be this way??? alive?? a democrat???? a good person??????? impossible. there was no way this boy could ever be presdient.  
the guy on tv says “bernie sandles you are the president”  
donlald loses his FUCKING marbles.  
ted cruz, who was also watching the broadcast from his home, committed a murder suicide in hich he killed himself and then got up again to kill his family rly quick. bernie made it illegal to be a republican. he also smonked we,ed. a cool dude :-).

the end,.

**Author's Note:**

> GOPlin = goblin + GOP as in republican GOP nomination u feel


End file.
